Upper East Side, Central Park - Jun 2008 - 023
Maybe this lady could use a Mom Friend? (Photo credit: Ed Yourdon)

I made two new Mom Friends this week.  At least, I’m pretty sure I did.  I think we hit it off.  Will they text me for another get-together? Will it look desperate if I text them first?

 

Isn’t this what dating is like? I don’t remember.  It’s been awhile.

 

My closest friends date back to my childhood, but I have a number of friends from my adult life too, all of whom I met through work.  It’s a strange thing, making friends as an adult.  I’m actually pretty good at it – I’ve never felt like I didn’t have enough friends – but since becoming a stay-at-home-mom, my exposure to new people has been very limited.  And it’s funny how, after kids, some of your child-free “friends” tend to disappear.

 

I had assumed I would meet loads of other parents through the plethora of parent-baby activities I could join, but then I had twins.  The optimal parent-to-kid ratio for most of those activities is 1:1, and trying to wrangle my twins alone in a group setting just never goes well.  As a result, I quit the breastfeeding support group while the boys were still newborns, I abandoned playgroup after the first week, and I didn’t even consider taking the boys to swimming lessons.

 

I finally smartened up this spring and enlisted help.  I invited my mother-in-law to join the boys and me for Baby Rhyme Time, a free program at our local library.  For 6 weeks, the four of us would gather in a circle with a group of other parents and their little ones.  The “program” – rhymes, songs, and stories, a few of which could I could even hear above the cacophony of baby-noise – was 30 minutes long, perfect for young babies.

 

The fact that R & D are twins garnered us extra attention, as it always does; notwithstanding this, one of my boys quickly made himself the star of the show.  While the other babies were content to sit with their moms, R would ditch me as soon as I loosened my grip on him, and start crawling around the circle.  He’d go visit all the other parents, steal their kids’ shoes right off their feet, smile devilishly, and crawl into the lap of the woman running the program.  I spent most of our 30 minutes chasing him around the circle, and assumed the other moms were as preoccupied with their kids as I was.

 

So imagine my surprise when, walking through the park one day last weekend, I heard a woman exclaim, “Oh hey!  It’s the twins from Baby Rhyme Time!”

 

I glanced in the direction of the voice, and saw a vaguely familiar-looking woman pushing a stroller with a vaguely familiar-looking baby in it.  I smiled and waved and pretended I had a hot clue about who she was.

 

She came over with her entourage – a husband, another woman, another guy – and made a fuss over my boys.  She even remembered their names.  I couldn’t remember her son’s name, for the life of me, because every baby that isn’t mine looks the same to me, but I pretended: “Hey, little guy! How are you?”  Neither of us knew eachother’s names.  (For this, we can both be forgiven:  for reasons that were never explained to me, at Baby Rhyme Time, you wear your child’s name on your shirt, not your own.)

 

She mentioned that she had been going to the park once a week with another one of the Baby Rhyme Time moms for coffee and a walk.  “Would you be open to a joiner?” I blurted out.  (What can I say?  The weeks get long and my only other stay-at-home mom friend is going back to work in the fall.)  She was enthusiastic about the idea, we traded numbers, and she even texted me a few days later to remind me of our date.

 

The outing went well, I think.  I wore my mom uniform – yoga pants, Asics, a hoodie – and so did they.  We traded birth stories.  We commiserated about the fact that there’s so much more selection for girls’ clothes than boys’ clothes.  It turns out our husbands graduated from the same school.

 

The conversation flowed without any awkward silences, and we seemed to click.  They are a few years older than me, I suspect, and I’m not sure how much else we have in common, but our kids are the same age – and in the world of Mom Friends, isn’t that the only thing that counts?

 

And now I wait.  Was I too aggressive?  Did I talk about myself too much?  Will they invite me out again?  Is it weird that I don’t know their last names?

 

I’ll do the dance, sure.  It’s worth it to make a new Mom Friend.

 

 

 

 

 

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17 thoughts on “Making Mom Friends

  1. Great post. I am just like you. My old friends don’t have kids and it is hard to make new ones. Like you said, most things are a 1:1 ratio. I am also excluded twin baby get togethers because I also have a toddler. Luckily now that I am on mat leave I have been able to meet some of the neighbors I never had time to when I was working (one even has twins). It’s so easy to feel isolated, and I think its great you talked about it.

    1. A toddler too! I’m sure you get this all the time, but how do you do it?!? Whenever people tell me, “oh you sure have your hands full!” I always say something along the lines of, “I tho k it would be harder if they weren’t my only two!” Kudos to you!

    1. The flaky ones drive me nuts. Especially when I plan my day around a particular outing and they bail at the last minute…argh! Never would have bothered me before kids but trying to get out the door with babies is no small feat!

  2. Funny, my adult friends are all from work, running, or mom friends. The mom friends I made after we moved out of the city and had kids are now among my best friends. We get together tonnes sans kids now. We travel together, we run together, we go to concerts together, and, heck, we even camp together. This is only the beginning for you.

  3. That’s awesome! We just moved and I really need to find some mom friends.

    Totally understand the headache/sweat-fest of going out with two. Gymboree class seems so peaceful and easy for moms of singletons. I’m like a one-man band constantly scanning for one of mine to be leaping off a high ledge or stuck in a tube. I don’t have time to chat up the other moms because I’m leaping between both babes.

    I hope they call you back!

    1. It’s so true. I’m hoping it gets easier when they’re older…(??) Experienced moms of twins never answer me when I ask. which is in itself an answer, I suppose 🙂

  4. Seems I’m not the only one that can relate to your situation (except for the twins part). I couldn’t imagine how you wrangle those two alone. Great to enlist help! Good luck with the new momfriendship and keep us posted!

  5. Once again, I don’t have kids and all of my friends do. Sometimes it is the opposite where the new parent retracts from the friends with no kids. I totally understand this but am left to try and find adult friends too. I figure, when I do have kids it will be easier, an opening LOL. I am sure they loved you and you’ll be on another “date” in no time.

    1. That’s true – I remember before the boys were born, some of my friends had kids and then it was like they fell off the face of the earth! I kinda get it now though.

  6. LOL! I love this post!! I so feel you on the making mom friends thing! I wrote a post about this very subject last fall when I was really struggling to connect with other moms! It is SO much like dating it’s crazy! What I keep finding though is that most moms are looking for other moms to connect with too – and with kids, we all seem to end up having more in common than not!

    Happy mom friend hunting! 🙂
    http://curlymamaof2.com/2012/11/15/adult-friends/

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